The Reality of Fantasy

     While I haven't been able to attend many events and play parties, much to my disappointment, I have been able to go to a few. One thing I've found myself doing in these situations is fantasizing about what might happen during these events or even during a minor encounter beyond a play party. Invariably, I've imagined everything from a nice, enjoyable time with friends that share mutual interests to the most torrid and delicious encounters with people I have yet to even meet. These fantasies are as numerous as they are varied, but they all share one common trait: I know that what will happen in reality will be no where near as scintillating as what I project in my fantasies.
     For example, I might dream about attending a play party fully dressed up and meeting an unknown Dom. This Dom would go about making some kind of claim to me early in the evening, due largely to the fact that I was found attractive, appealing, and sexy and the Dom just had to have me. The night would be spent with lots of yummy bondage that would have me helplessly struggling and whimpering while he watched with a slight smile on his face. This fantasy would continue along the vein that I might find myself snuggled within his arms (I'm already rather petite and it wouldn't be a stretch for the Dom to be much bigger than I), maybe sharing a few kisses, and resulting in my submitting to give him various forms of sexual pleasure culminating in the pair of us falling asleep in bed together.
     This, of course, is a fantasy. It might be a rather pleasant and erotic fantasy, but it is a fantasy. I have never actually experienced any kind of scene with a Dom or any man for that matter. Were I confronted with such a situation, I truthfully have no idea how I would react or respond. Regardless of that, I know that such a fantasy will undoubtedly never come even close to reality. Is it possible that I might meet or encounter a Dom who will want to be involved in a scene with me? Sure, it's possible. Will I want to get involved in a scene with said possible Dom? Again, it's possible. But the chances of the above fantasy playing out as I just described it are, I suspect, nearly impossible.
     That's the heartbreaking fact when it comes to fantasies, reality will never truly match up with them. It would be very easy to allow this simple knowledge to completely dampen our wants and desires and dreams, and for me it nearly has on many occasions.
     I can recall one particular play party that I came very close to backing out of simply because for days I had fantasized about what the party would be like and how I would look, and then I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I didn't even come close to what I pictured myself as in my fantasies. Fortunately, I got over my self-doubt (maybe loathing, depending on your perspective of it all) and did indeed go to the party, and I had a wonderful time. Did it meet with the expectations of my fantasy? Not even close. However, that didn't stop me from having a good time. In the end, isn't that what we do is all about? However, with that being said, I can certainly understand why a great many people might suddenly balk at the last minute when it comes to going to a party, a dinner, or even a simple get together or date. When reality intrudes upon what we desire to have happen, it can be very much a splash of cold water in the face. Why would we want to subject ourselves to what we know is almost certainly going to be a let down or a disappointment?
For you everyday vanilla dating scene, this might now be such a terrible experience. On your average date, if things are going sour, there are a multitude of ways to get out of the date with minimal hurting of the other: the fake phone call to come home, gently telling your date that you should just cut it short, complaining of a headache, etc. In a BDSM-style first date, it's not so simple. I'm being very general here so this of course would not apply to all scenes, but a first date scenerio when it comes to BDSM usually involves one party being tied up/chained, gagged, possibly being whipped, or possibly undertaking sexual servitude. There is no easy way to ease out of this kind of first date without either hurting the other individual (emotionally speaking) or potentially damaging their self-esteem or confidence in their ability within this type of community. Imagine, if you will, being a Dom or Domme engaged in a scene and your sub not only safewords out, but flat out says that the entire play was not fun and wanted to leave. This kind of thing happening could undoubtedly cause said Dom or Domme to potentially seriously question their abilities, and thusly hesitate to engage in play again. Conversely, how would a sub in the same situation feel where the dominant suddenly brings everything to a halt because they are not enjoying the reactions of the sub or are not satisfied with their performance? Would said submissive not seriously question whether or not they have what it takes to make a decent submissive?
Yes, I understand that these examples are rather in the extreme, but they do happen. This is where the question of what do we as individuals do when the fantasy we have outlined for ourselves involving playing and scening is the complete opposite of reality when such a scene takes place. Certainly, the arguement could be made that if things do not work out with one dominant or submissive, you can always try again with another as we as individuals are varied and complex. Unfortunately, our community is not so large that many of us have such an option. With the community of BDSM individuals itself being small, and a rather large portion of people within this community already spoken for, someone new entering into this kind of life is left with rather few options or choices for a play partner, even casually.
I'm hoping that those of you reading this blog are not hoping that I can provide some kind of bulletproof answer to these dilemas. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but this is an issue that there is no truly good answer for. Everyone is different and what may work for one will certainly not work for another. However, advice is always appreciated and I think it would be very beneficial if you, dear readers, could offer some kind of input or advice regarding this problem for those that read this particular entry and are hoping to glean some kind of answer or sollution to their troubles.