Thursday 16 February 2012
Monday 30 January 2012
A Return to Joy and Pleasure
As many people would know from my previous posts, I've been a bit down as of late due to the fact that I haven't had any opportunities to play. When you're a submissive with a lot of energy and no dominant to play with, it can be an exercise in frustration and even anger. Well, I can safely say that my little dry spell has finally been broken. And, with a little luck, things will stay that way for some time to come.
Recently, I attented a play party that was a sort of follow up to a local munch. I didn't really have very high expectations for either event since trying to get like-minded kinky people to come together in one place is very difficult in a community of my size. The potential for being "outed" and thusly having your life made a living hell is quite high and many people, understandably, don't want to take that risk. So, the munch went fine. There were a very nice several rounds of pool, a few drinks, and some pizza with a small group of kinky folks. There was conversation, some laughter, and new friends were made. Honestly, that was as far as I thought the weekend would go, and I was actually okay with it. When it comes to kink, things can take time and confidences need to be built up, so if I could make the acquaintance with some new kinky people and maybe given them a bit of my limited knowledge about kinky life, I was happy.
The potential play party that was to happen the following evening was a different story. Honestly, I didn't hold out too much hope for it. Out of all of the play parties I've been to thus far, I've only been able to play once and that was it. To be honest, I was getting more than a little tired of the teasing. By that I don't mean any one person or even a group of people tormenting me that they could play and that I couldn't. It was more of a self-inflicted mental tease and torment that would come about when I would see other individuals or couples enjoying themselves and each other by playing. I've never faulted any of these people, in fact, I consider them lucky that they have people that they can play with. However, it didn't stop me from feeling a constant build of energy that had absolutely no where to go. A friend of mine used the expression "sub-frenzy", which I think is actually rather appropriate for the emotions I was experiencing. So, with all of this pent up energy and desire coupled with disappointment, I think it was perfectly reasonable to either expect no one to show to the party or even decline going simply because I didn't want to be put into that position of having to watch everyone else enjoy themselves.
In the end, however, when I learned that this new couple that I'd met the night prior were deffinately attending the party, even though they would be the only ones, I decided what the hell and went. I got myself all prettied up and went to the party. Bear in mind, I was not expecting to play that night. I simply looked at this as an opportunity to get dressed up and be around like-minded people and perhaps engage in interesting conversations that could potentially lead to either assisting them in discovering what they were looking for or discovering for myself what they already knew they wanted.
Well, imagine my surprise and delight when, not long after arriving at the party, I found myself on my knees at the feet of a strong but gentle woman. It really came out of no where, but I'm oh so glad it did. Remember, I didn't go to this party with any expectations of playing. I didn't even know if these new people would take on the role of dominant or submissive or both. What followed for the rest of an all too brief but wonderful night was a lovely experience of gentle dominance and submission. Since my particular vein in this lifestyle is exactly that, I don't do well with pain since it puts me into a very different mindset, this couldn't have worked out more perfectly. The only bad part was the night coming to an end and leave me wanting more. But, I suppose that's a good way to conclude an evening of play so I'll be anticipating that next scene so much more.
It's nice to know that after so much time having been spent spinning within my own mind that there was finally a positive release along with the excellent potential for more enjoyment in the near future. In the end, that's all a submissive really wants.
Recently, I attented a play party that was a sort of follow up to a local munch. I didn't really have very high expectations for either event since trying to get like-minded kinky people to come together in one place is very difficult in a community of my size. The potential for being "outed" and thusly having your life made a living hell is quite high and many people, understandably, don't want to take that risk. So, the munch went fine. There were a very nice several rounds of pool, a few drinks, and some pizza with a small group of kinky folks. There was conversation, some laughter, and new friends were made. Honestly, that was as far as I thought the weekend would go, and I was actually okay with it. When it comes to kink, things can take time and confidences need to be built up, so if I could make the acquaintance with some new kinky people and maybe given them a bit of my limited knowledge about kinky life, I was happy.
The potential play party that was to happen the following evening was a different story. Honestly, I didn't hold out too much hope for it. Out of all of the play parties I've been to thus far, I've only been able to play once and that was it. To be honest, I was getting more than a little tired of the teasing. By that I don't mean any one person or even a group of people tormenting me that they could play and that I couldn't. It was more of a self-inflicted mental tease and torment that would come about when I would see other individuals or couples enjoying themselves and each other by playing. I've never faulted any of these people, in fact, I consider them lucky that they have people that they can play with. However, it didn't stop me from feeling a constant build of energy that had absolutely no where to go. A friend of mine used the expression "sub-frenzy", which I think is actually rather appropriate for the emotions I was experiencing. So, with all of this pent up energy and desire coupled with disappointment, I think it was perfectly reasonable to either expect no one to show to the party or even decline going simply because I didn't want to be put into that position of having to watch everyone else enjoy themselves.
In the end, however, when I learned that this new couple that I'd met the night prior were deffinately attending the party, even though they would be the only ones, I decided what the hell and went. I got myself all prettied up and went to the party. Bear in mind, I was not expecting to play that night. I simply looked at this as an opportunity to get dressed up and be around like-minded people and perhaps engage in interesting conversations that could potentially lead to either assisting them in discovering what they were looking for or discovering for myself what they already knew they wanted.
Well, imagine my surprise and delight when, not long after arriving at the party, I found myself on my knees at the feet of a strong but gentle woman. It really came out of no where, but I'm oh so glad it did. Remember, I didn't go to this party with any expectations of playing. I didn't even know if these new people would take on the role of dominant or submissive or both. What followed for the rest of an all too brief but wonderful night was a lovely experience of gentle dominance and submission. Since my particular vein in this lifestyle is exactly that, I don't do well with pain since it puts me into a very different mindset, this couldn't have worked out more perfectly. The only bad part was the night coming to an end and leave me wanting more. But, I suppose that's a good way to conclude an evening of play so I'll be anticipating that next scene so much more.
It's nice to know that after so much time having been spent spinning within my own mind that there was finally a positive release along with the excellent potential for more enjoyment in the near future. In the end, that's all a submissive really wants.
Thursday 19 January 2012
Frustration
For people who are able to play and live their kinky lives, they might not understand the frustration I go through on quite a regular basis. Then again, maybe they do, I don't know. All I can speak to is my own feelings, and that is my intention.
It has been many months since I have been able to begin actively persuing my personal kinks. Essentially, I was given free reign to find someone and engage in whatever kinky activities I so chose to engage in. To most people, that would be almost like a dream come true and I can only imagine the multiple and varied kinky encounters that would follow soon after. Unfortunately, that is not the case in my situation. To date, I still have yet to really enage in any kind of play at all. No, that's not exactly true. I did have a wonderful play experience on during a Halloween party this year that left me wanting for more. Unfortunately, before and after this party, despite having attended a couple of kink parties, I haven't played at all.
This is probably what frustrates me the most. I have so much energy inside me wanting to come out to play, and yet there is absolutely no direction for it to go. It's not helpful living in an area where potential play partners are very few and far between and those that are around are already involved in committed pairings. Sometimes I find myself wondering if it's me, if there's something about me that keeps people away. That notion quickly goes away since I haven't played with anyone, so I couldn't have done anything to drive anyone off. Of course, on the heels of that, I wonder if something I've said or any of the photos I have posted my have pushed people away. This idea seems fairly silly upon later reflection.
But this is my dilema. I go back and forth in my head about this until my mind is spinning with unanswered questions. Unfortunately, I don't have answers for my questions simply because I have no kind of reference to determine what is correct and what is not. This is where my frustration comes in. To be quite honest, I have no idea if I would make for a good play partner or submissive simply because I haven't been able to play with anyone. It might almost be more comforting to know that, through experience, that I was not good at playing. I actually have that kind of experience when it comes to being dominant. I've been down that road and I know I don't make a good dominante, nor do I like being a dominant. Because of that, I don't find myself pining to play with someone in a dominant role because I know I won't enjoy it nor will I be any good at it.
The same cannot be said about my current wants or activities. However, I haven't had any chance to explore, and that is what really eats at me. I don't want to equate my feelings to addiction, because I think that would almost be insulting to those people who struggle with actual addictions, but I don't have anything else that I think I can effectively compare it to. I suppose it falls into more of a very strong wanting and desire with no signs that there will be an outlet for these feelings on the horizon. Oh certainly there are play parties coming up that I could attend, but I've been down that road already and I can say with certainty that while I certainly met plenty of nice people, I found myself in a constant state of frustration and wanting while I watched other people around me play and enjoy themselves and do exactly what I had been wanting and waiting to do. By the end of the night, after having done nothing and ending up leaving early, I find myself wondering if it's even worth it anymore. Do I really want to put myself out there again like that only to find myself being little more than a silent observer for the entire evening?
That's not a rhetorical question. Quite simply, no, I don't want to do that. Logic would dictate that instead I find someone to become involved in play with. That's a wonderful thought, but what do you do when there's no one to play with? You could perhaps see why I find myself in what seems to be an almost endless circle of self-doubt and frustration.
I wish there was a way to finish this particular posting with an upbeat or optimistic thought, but quite frankly I just can't seem to come up with one. I can only hope that a more positive chapter in my kinkly life is just waiting to be written.
It has been many months since I have been able to begin actively persuing my personal kinks. Essentially, I was given free reign to find someone and engage in whatever kinky activities I so chose to engage in. To most people, that would be almost like a dream come true and I can only imagine the multiple and varied kinky encounters that would follow soon after. Unfortunately, that is not the case in my situation. To date, I still have yet to really enage in any kind of play at all. No, that's not exactly true. I did have a wonderful play experience on during a Halloween party this year that left me wanting for more. Unfortunately, before and after this party, despite having attended a couple of kink parties, I haven't played at all.
This is probably what frustrates me the most. I have so much energy inside me wanting to come out to play, and yet there is absolutely no direction for it to go. It's not helpful living in an area where potential play partners are very few and far between and those that are around are already involved in committed pairings. Sometimes I find myself wondering if it's me, if there's something about me that keeps people away. That notion quickly goes away since I haven't played with anyone, so I couldn't have done anything to drive anyone off. Of course, on the heels of that, I wonder if something I've said or any of the photos I have posted my have pushed people away. This idea seems fairly silly upon later reflection.
But this is my dilema. I go back and forth in my head about this until my mind is spinning with unanswered questions. Unfortunately, I don't have answers for my questions simply because I have no kind of reference to determine what is correct and what is not. This is where my frustration comes in. To be quite honest, I have no idea if I would make for a good play partner or submissive simply because I haven't been able to play with anyone. It might almost be more comforting to know that, through experience, that I was not good at playing. I actually have that kind of experience when it comes to being dominant. I've been down that road and I know I don't make a good dominante, nor do I like being a dominant. Because of that, I don't find myself pining to play with someone in a dominant role because I know I won't enjoy it nor will I be any good at it.
The same cannot be said about my current wants or activities. However, I haven't had any chance to explore, and that is what really eats at me. I don't want to equate my feelings to addiction, because I think that would almost be insulting to those people who struggle with actual addictions, but I don't have anything else that I think I can effectively compare it to. I suppose it falls into more of a very strong wanting and desire with no signs that there will be an outlet for these feelings on the horizon. Oh certainly there are play parties coming up that I could attend, but I've been down that road already and I can say with certainty that while I certainly met plenty of nice people, I found myself in a constant state of frustration and wanting while I watched other people around me play and enjoy themselves and do exactly what I had been wanting and waiting to do. By the end of the night, after having done nothing and ending up leaving early, I find myself wondering if it's even worth it anymore. Do I really want to put myself out there again like that only to find myself being little more than a silent observer for the entire evening?
That's not a rhetorical question. Quite simply, no, I don't want to do that. Logic would dictate that instead I find someone to become involved in play with. That's a wonderful thought, but what do you do when there's no one to play with? You could perhaps see why I find myself in what seems to be an almost endless circle of self-doubt and frustration.
I wish there was a way to finish this particular posting with an upbeat or optimistic thought, but quite frankly I just can't seem to come up with one. I can only hope that a more positive chapter in my kinkly life is just waiting to be written.
Sunday 11 December 2011
Harmful Social Media
I want to begin this posting with a word of warning. I will be discussing the social behemoth known as Facebook, and I will not be speaking of it in a positive light. If you are a big fan of Facebook and all that it entails, and are easily offended by anyone speaking against it, then I would suggest you stop reading now. If you aren't, then by all means feel free to continue. Bear in mind, this is my own personal opinion on the subject and I am not trying to shove my ideals down anyone's throat. I simply feel the need to express my opinion on this issue and you can take it or leave it as you please.
When Facebook first came on the scene, it was a fresh, new concept regarding social networking and media. Very quickly, it exploded into the number one social media site in the world and has stayed there to this day. Then, Facebook started introducing games by publishers such as Zynga and changed things once again. To this day, you say the word Farmville, Cityville, or Castleville and without any other frame of context 99% of the people you talk to will know exactly what you are talking about. Facebook has basically become the place to be on the internet to do everything from fire off a quick note about how you are feeling to building mega metropolises and everything else in-between.
Now, let me say straight away that Facebook and its base concept were actually a good idea. It was conceived of as a place that people could go on the internet to keep in contact with friends and family in a way perhaps more convenient and much cheaper than using a telephone (those long distance charges add up). Unfortunately, the idea has grown fangs sharp enough to rip out the throat of any unsuspecting Facebook user.
I'll start with the basic use of Facebook, social media interaction. While it began as a means to communicate with groups of people, it has quickly changed to become a blatant popularity contest. How many people will add other users as "friends" simply so they will be able to rack up their pool? I would wager that most of the friends on a person's Facebook account are in actuality strangers. This is much the same as Twitter, which was undoubtedly started along a similar line of thinking and has turned into a contest to see who can have the most followers listening to some inane babble that means absolutely nothing to anyone other than the poster. What this serves to do is essentially cheapen the concept of a friend. Once upon a time, a friend was someone with whom you shared common interests and ideas, someone you hung with rather often that you could speak with about issues that you couldn't discuss with anyone else because you trusted your friend. Now, the word friend, at least in the context of Facebook, is just another nameless face in a list of nameless faces that just blindly accepted a join request. The reality is, most of these "friends" probably don't give a damn about the person they just friended, and could very likely use the information being put into posts or on profiles against the individual.
Which brings this discussion to a very serious and dangerous topic, bullying. Not so very long ago, bullying involved one person directly confronting another in what was mostly a one-on-one situation. Having been bullied quite often in my youth and even now, I know first hand that feeling of helplessness and despair of being picked on for whatever multitude of reasons the bully chose to select. More than once I didn't want to go to school or even work because I didn't want to even look at the bully in question for fear that even the slightest word or gesture could spark some kind of derogatory comment aimed in my direction in front of peers that others would laugh about. That kind of bullying is bad enough, but when you add Facebook into the mix you have the formula for a potential firestorm that can, and has, caused the end of a life. With Facebook, bullying has taken on a whole new dimension. Now, not only is a person confronted by the bully themselves, but the entire community where they live and even complete strangers who just happen to be friends with one person or another. What was once just a few seconds or minutes of discomfort or humiliation now has the potential to turn into an unending stream of degradation, humiliation, and ridicule. As I have said before, this can, and often has, resulted in the victim choosing to end their life in a desperate effort to escape their torment. This is the power Facebook has, not to bring people closer together, but to become a high tech weapon to be used against people.
Facebook has also become key evidence in court cases. Now, more than ever, lawyers are choosing to bring Facebook content into criminal and civil trials. The off-handed comment you made about not liking someone has suddenly become evidence. It no longer matters what the context is or what you meant by the comment, it is now in the legal system to be twisted and stretched until it's screaming for dear life. Do you really want to have to consider everything you say as though it could possibly be read before a judge?
Personal encounters is another very dicey issue when it comes to Facebook. I would reference the movie Catfish as a very clear example of what I am referring to. The basic premise of the movie is a young man meets a girl on Facebook, becomes her friend, and the two form a twisted kind of online relationship. Without delving into all of the details, this young man eventually comes to the conclusion that the Facebook profile is fake and chooses to go meet the person with his friends. The end result is the person who created the Facebook account is actually a middle-aged woman with cancer (another lie) who has utilized her young daughter in a manipulative way to garner interest in her. It is also revealed that this woman created over a dozen other fraudulent Facebook accounts to form a familial unit on the site. In essence, everything about the woman in question is a lie. Now, whether or not the movie was factual in nature is truly besides the point. There is no question that people have created one or multiple Facebook accounts with fictitious profiles in order to garner interest in themselves and attempt to manipulate people into liking them and perhaps even forming relationships with them. You might ask, "How is this different from the multitude of online dating sites?" The difference would be Facebook is free to use, so there is no limit to how deep the lies can be built just online alone, and Facebook is so insanely popular that most of the people on the planet use it. There is also almost no regulation regarding Facebook as well, so anyone can pretty much say anything to anyone within Facebook. This can cause all kinds of problems both from relationship standpoints and bullying issues from above.
The games in Facebook are another major issue in my mind. Yes, they might have started out as a fun amusement, but they have quickly turned into an addiction that very easily rivals most illegal drugs. I did try one or two of these games and very quickly found them to be boring and stopped playing them. For a tremendous amount of people, however, they have very quickly evolved into an addiction that I referred to earlier. It has gotten to the point where family and friends are now ignored in lieu of needing to do something with the city you've built and a person's life revolves around making that digital city or farm or whatever bigger and bigger. People also start creating fictional Facebook profiles just so they can utilize the friend factor to do that much more within the game. The fact that the game tries to entice you into paying for items that can make your gaming experience that much better or longer is no better than sticking a gambling addict in front of a computer to play video poker. How many people have flushed their paychecks or savings down the drain just so they could have that one item in the game that they could never get if they played for free. Relationships have also suffered from these Facebook games. While I will admit I do not have any data on this subject, there is no question in my mind that a great many relationships have suffered or even ended, possibly badly, because one party has become so addicted to these games. It has even gotten to the point where these games have caused violence. There have been numerous reports of people murdering, yes murdering, their spouses or significant others simply because of something that occurred with one of these games. I think that tends to blow away (no pun intended) the concept of violent video games corrupting the minds of youth when people are killing other people because of a simulation building game. This also falls into the category of how people react to changes in Facebook statuses and how people react when someone they are in a relationship with suddenly changes their status from "in a relationship" to "single". While I have not heard of any incidents involving homicide, there is no question it has caused a great number of arguments.
I'm sure that I could go on and on for hours about Facebook and all of its foibles, but I won't so that dialogues can be opened for discussion on this matter. I, once upon a time, had a Facebook page. I created it with the idea that I could keep in contact with friends and family, maybe share some funny photos or videos, and be able to have some kind of a connection with the people who are important to me but are not geographically near me. I ended up hardly ever using it and stopped even looking at it after perhaps three or four months because the majority of what I saw were status updates regarding games. Let me just repeat myself when I say the concept of Facebook is an admirable one. Unfortunately, either due to greed or some other reason, it has grown into something enormous that is quite literally out of control. You cannot look at any product, television program, business, etc., without seeing or being told about a link to a Facebook page. It truly has gotten to the point where we all live in a Facebook world.
The biggest problem? I hate Facebook.
When Facebook first came on the scene, it was a fresh, new concept regarding social networking and media. Very quickly, it exploded into the number one social media site in the world and has stayed there to this day. Then, Facebook started introducing games by publishers such as Zynga and changed things once again. To this day, you say the word Farmville, Cityville, or Castleville and without any other frame of context 99% of the people you talk to will know exactly what you are talking about. Facebook has basically become the place to be on the internet to do everything from fire off a quick note about how you are feeling to building mega metropolises and everything else in-between.
Now, let me say straight away that Facebook and its base concept were actually a good idea. It was conceived of as a place that people could go on the internet to keep in contact with friends and family in a way perhaps more convenient and much cheaper than using a telephone (those long distance charges add up). Unfortunately, the idea has grown fangs sharp enough to rip out the throat of any unsuspecting Facebook user.
I'll start with the basic use of Facebook, social media interaction. While it began as a means to communicate with groups of people, it has quickly changed to become a blatant popularity contest. How many people will add other users as "friends" simply so they will be able to rack up their pool? I would wager that most of the friends on a person's Facebook account are in actuality strangers. This is much the same as Twitter, which was undoubtedly started along a similar line of thinking and has turned into a contest to see who can have the most followers listening to some inane babble that means absolutely nothing to anyone other than the poster. What this serves to do is essentially cheapen the concept of a friend. Once upon a time, a friend was someone with whom you shared common interests and ideas, someone you hung with rather often that you could speak with about issues that you couldn't discuss with anyone else because you trusted your friend. Now, the word friend, at least in the context of Facebook, is just another nameless face in a list of nameless faces that just blindly accepted a join request. The reality is, most of these "friends" probably don't give a damn about the person they just friended, and could very likely use the information being put into posts or on profiles against the individual.
Which brings this discussion to a very serious and dangerous topic, bullying. Not so very long ago, bullying involved one person directly confronting another in what was mostly a one-on-one situation. Having been bullied quite often in my youth and even now, I know first hand that feeling of helplessness and despair of being picked on for whatever multitude of reasons the bully chose to select. More than once I didn't want to go to school or even work because I didn't want to even look at the bully in question for fear that even the slightest word or gesture could spark some kind of derogatory comment aimed in my direction in front of peers that others would laugh about. That kind of bullying is bad enough, but when you add Facebook into the mix you have the formula for a potential firestorm that can, and has, caused the end of a life. With Facebook, bullying has taken on a whole new dimension. Now, not only is a person confronted by the bully themselves, but the entire community where they live and even complete strangers who just happen to be friends with one person or another. What was once just a few seconds or minutes of discomfort or humiliation now has the potential to turn into an unending stream of degradation, humiliation, and ridicule. As I have said before, this can, and often has, resulted in the victim choosing to end their life in a desperate effort to escape their torment. This is the power Facebook has, not to bring people closer together, but to become a high tech weapon to be used against people.
Facebook has also become key evidence in court cases. Now, more than ever, lawyers are choosing to bring Facebook content into criminal and civil trials. The off-handed comment you made about not liking someone has suddenly become evidence. It no longer matters what the context is or what you meant by the comment, it is now in the legal system to be twisted and stretched until it's screaming for dear life. Do you really want to have to consider everything you say as though it could possibly be read before a judge?
Personal encounters is another very dicey issue when it comes to Facebook. I would reference the movie Catfish as a very clear example of what I am referring to. The basic premise of the movie is a young man meets a girl on Facebook, becomes her friend, and the two form a twisted kind of online relationship. Without delving into all of the details, this young man eventually comes to the conclusion that the Facebook profile is fake and chooses to go meet the person with his friends. The end result is the person who created the Facebook account is actually a middle-aged woman with cancer (another lie) who has utilized her young daughter in a manipulative way to garner interest in her. It is also revealed that this woman created over a dozen other fraudulent Facebook accounts to form a familial unit on the site. In essence, everything about the woman in question is a lie. Now, whether or not the movie was factual in nature is truly besides the point. There is no question that people have created one or multiple Facebook accounts with fictitious profiles in order to garner interest in themselves and attempt to manipulate people into liking them and perhaps even forming relationships with them. You might ask, "How is this different from the multitude of online dating sites?" The difference would be Facebook is free to use, so there is no limit to how deep the lies can be built just online alone, and Facebook is so insanely popular that most of the people on the planet use it. There is also almost no regulation regarding Facebook as well, so anyone can pretty much say anything to anyone within Facebook. This can cause all kinds of problems both from relationship standpoints and bullying issues from above.
The games in Facebook are another major issue in my mind. Yes, they might have started out as a fun amusement, but they have quickly turned into an addiction that very easily rivals most illegal drugs. I did try one or two of these games and very quickly found them to be boring and stopped playing them. For a tremendous amount of people, however, they have very quickly evolved into an addiction that I referred to earlier. It has gotten to the point where family and friends are now ignored in lieu of needing to do something with the city you've built and a person's life revolves around making that digital city or farm or whatever bigger and bigger. People also start creating fictional Facebook profiles just so they can utilize the friend factor to do that much more within the game. The fact that the game tries to entice you into paying for items that can make your gaming experience that much better or longer is no better than sticking a gambling addict in front of a computer to play video poker. How many people have flushed their paychecks or savings down the drain just so they could have that one item in the game that they could never get if they played for free. Relationships have also suffered from these Facebook games. While I will admit I do not have any data on this subject, there is no question in my mind that a great many relationships have suffered or even ended, possibly badly, because one party has become so addicted to these games. It has even gotten to the point where these games have caused violence. There have been numerous reports of people murdering, yes murdering, their spouses or significant others simply because of something that occurred with one of these games. I think that tends to blow away (no pun intended) the concept of violent video games corrupting the minds of youth when people are killing other people because of a simulation building game. This also falls into the category of how people react to changes in Facebook statuses and how people react when someone they are in a relationship with suddenly changes their status from "in a relationship" to "single". While I have not heard of any incidents involving homicide, there is no question it has caused a great number of arguments.
I'm sure that I could go on and on for hours about Facebook and all of its foibles, but I won't so that dialogues can be opened for discussion on this matter. I, once upon a time, had a Facebook page. I created it with the idea that I could keep in contact with friends and family, maybe share some funny photos or videos, and be able to have some kind of a connection with the people who are important to me but are not geographically near me. I ended up hardly ever using it and stopped even looking at it after perhaps three or four months because the majority of what I saw were status updates regarding games. Let me just repeat myself when I say the concept of Facebook is an admirable one. Unfortunately, either due to greed or some other reason, it has grown into something enormous that is quite literally out of control. You cannot look at any product, television program, business, etc., without seeing or being told about a link to a Facebook page. It truly has gotten to the point where we all live in a Facebook world.
The biggest problem? I hate Facebook.
Wednesday 30 November 2011
A Cautionary Tale
I was watching the news this morning and was confronted with a disturbing story. Ironically enough, it wasn't the actual story that disturbed me, it was the incredibly irresponsible journalism that was put forth by the "undercover investigator" with this story. I'll put a link to this story from Fox Boston below:
http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/undercover/public-high-school-teacher-starred-in-porno-movies-released-last-year-20111129
If you don't want to actually read the story, here's the basics of it. The Fox Boston reporter Mike Beaudet apparently decided to do a story about a teacher at a Massachusetts High School who until at least last year had been in several homosexual pornographic films. That's it. This teacher has not had sex with or molested any of his students, he hasn't been inappropriate towards them, he never even made so much as a hint that he was involved in anything like this. By all accounts, he has been a wonderful teacher to his students, whom all respect and admire him. It wasn't until this reporter decided to smear him all over network television, including showing several of the films he has been in and even showing brief video clips of one or two of these films. Now, this teacher has been placed on paid administrative leave while the school board "investigates", which is code for determining if they will fire him.
Unfortunately, regardless of the decision of the board, this man's career is probably finished thanks to a slimy reporter just looking for a quick story to smear someone. There is a silver lining to this tale of woe. The outpouring of support for this teacher has been overwhelming. The Fox Boston Morning Team claimed that the responses to the story were "50/50". I looked at the comment feed on their own website and their Facebook page and "50/50" isn't even close. 99% of the comments on both boards are overwhelmingly in support of the teacher and utter blast the news station and reporter for trying to ruin this man's life. What bothered me even more than the shoddy reporting and misrepresentation of how much support there was for this teacher was one of the morning news anchors, Gene Lavanchy, tried to pull the age-old reporter spin by saying that if the teacher wasn't guilty of anything ("guilty" improperly implying a criminal act took place, which it did not in any shape or form) he would have spoken with Beaudet when confronted with the porn from his past. Let's be honest here folks, if some reporter with a cameraman just walks up to you at night and starts shoving porn photos in our face and asking you about your work in them, you wouldn't want to say a damn thing to him either.
This news story and the way this news station has handled it is really infuriating. I would love nothing more than to call that teacher and strongly suggest he immediately make contact with an attorney and start the process for a civil suit against the news station. Fortunately, so many people on the news station's website board and Facebook have said exactly the same thing. I just hope this teacher follows that advice.
This may seem like just some random ramble, and in part it actually is, but it's also something of a caution. While not everyone who visits my blog is inclined towards "alternative" activities, I would guess that most of you dear viewers prefer a more kinky lifestyle. While this particular news story might not apply to you, it is something to consider if you are intending to do any kind of adult or alternative film. While there has clearly been an outpouring of public support for this particular teacher, that kind of support doesn't mean anything to authoritative individuals over you who are more focused on the finances of their company (or in this case, school) than on protecting their employees. Yes, this teacher may ultimately get to keep his job after everything is all said and done, but do you really think he will be able to teach again? The few parents who do not approve of what he did will undoubtedly make a huge amount of noise that will make it impossible for this man to do his job again.
This is the way our society has turned, and so I would advise you, dear readers, to be cautious in what you do since the concept of personal privacy is fading faster and faster with each passing day.
http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/undercover/public-high-school-teacher-starred-in-porno-movies-released-last-year-20111129
If you don't want to actually read the story, here's the basics of it. The Fox Boston reporter Mike Beaudet apparently decided to do a story about a teacher at a Massachusetts High School who until at least last year had been in several homosexual pornographic films. That's it. This teacher has not had sex with or molested any of his students, he hasn't been inappropriate towards them, he never even made so much as a hint that he was involved in anything like this. By all accounts, he has been a wonderful teacher to his students, whom all respect and admire him. It wasn't until this reporter decided to smear him all over network television, including showing several of the films he has been in and even showing brief video clips of one or two of these films. Now, this teacher has been placed on paid administrative leave while the school board "investigates", which is code for determining if they will fire him.
Unfortunately, regardless of the decision of the board, this man's career is probably finished thanks to a slimy reporter just looking for a quick story to smear someone. There is a silver lining to this tale of woe. The outpouring of support for this teacher has been overwhelming. The Fox Boston Morning Team claimed that the responses to the story were "50/50". I looked at the comment feed on their own website and their Facebook page and "50/50" isn't even close. 99% of the comments on both boards are overwhelmingly in support of the teacher and utter blast the news station and reporter for trying to ruin this man's life. What bothered me even more than the shoddy reporting and misrepresentation of how much support there was for this teacher was one of the morning news anchors, Gene Lavanchy, tried to pull the age-old reporter spin by saying that if the teacher wasn't guilty of anything ("guilty" improperly implying a criminal act took place, which it did not in any shape or form) he would have spoken with Beaudet when confronted with the porn from his past. Let's be honest here folks, if some reporter with a cameraman just walks up to you at night and starts shoving porn photos in our face and asking you about your work in them, you wouldn't want to say a damn thing to him either.
This news story and the way this news station has handled it is really infuriating. I would love nothing more than to call that teacher and strongly suggest he immediately make contact with an attorney and start the process for a civil suit against the news station. Fortunately, so many people on the news station's website board and Facebook have said exactly the same thing. I just hope this teacher follows that advice.
This may seem like just some random ramble, and in part it actually is, but it's also something of a caution. While not everyone who visits my blog is inclined towards "alternative" activities, I would guess that most of you dear viewers prefer a more kinky lifestyle. While this particular news story might not apply to you, it is something to consider if you are intending to do any kind of adult or alternative film. While there has clearly been an outpouring of public support for this particular teacher, that kind of support doesn't mean anything to authoritative individuals over you who are more focused on the finances of their company (or in this case, school) than on protecting their employees. Yes, this teacher may ultimately get to keep his job after everything is all said and done, but do you really think he will be able to teach again? The few parents who do not approve of what he did will undoubtedly make a huge amount of noise that will make it impossible for this man to do his job again.
This is the way our society has turned, and so I would advise you, dear readers, to be cautious in what you do since the concept of personal privacy is fading faster and faster with each passing day.
Tuesday 15 November 2011
The Reality of Fantasy
While I haven't been able to attend many events and play parties, much to my disappointment, I have been able to go to a few. One thing I've found myself doing in these situations is fantasizing about what might happen during these events or even during a minor encounter beyond a play party. Invariably, I've imagined everything from a nice, enjoyable time with friends that share mutual interests to the most torrid and delicious encounters with people I have yet to even meet. These fantasies are as numerous as they are varied, but they all share one common trait: I know that what will happen in reality will be no where near as scintillating as what I project in my fantasies.
For example, I might dream about attending a play party fully dressed up and meeting an unknown Dom. This Dom would go about making some kind of claim to me early in the evening, due largely to the fact that I was found attractive, appealing, and sexy and the Dom just had to have me. The night would be spent with lots of yummy bondage that would have me helplessly struggling and whimpering while he watched with a slight smile on his face. This fantasy would continue along the vein that I might find myself snuggled within his arms (I'm already rather petite and it wouldn't be a stretch for the Dom to be much bigger than I), maybe sharing a few kisses, and resulting in my submitting to give him various forms of sexual pleasure culminating in the pair of us falling asleep in bed together.
This, of course, is a fantasy. It might be a rather pleasant and erotic fantasy, but it is a fantasy. I have never actually experienced any kind of scene with a Dom or any man for that matter. Were I confronted with such a situation, I truthfully have no idea how I would react or respond. Regardless of that, I know that such a fantasy will undoubtedly never come even close to reality. Is it possible that I might meet or encounter a Dom who will want to be involved in a scene with me? Sure, it's possible. Will I want to get involved in a scene with said possible Dom? Again, it's possible. But the chances of the above fantasy playing out as I just described it are, I suspect, nearly impossible.
That's the heartbreaking fact when it comes to fantasies, reality will never truly match up with them. It would be very easy to allow this simple knowledge to completely dampen our wants and desires and dreams, and for me it nearly has on many occasions.
I can recall one particular play party that I came very close to backing out of simply because for days I had fantasized about what the party would be like and how I would look, and then I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I didn't even come close to what I pictured myself as in my fantasies. Fortunately, I got over my self-doubt (maybe loathing, depending on your perspective of it all) and did indeed go to the party, and I had a wonderful time. Did it meet with the expectations of my fantasy? Not even close. However, that didn't stop me from having a good time. In the end, isn't that what we do is all about? However, with that being said, I can certainly understand why a great many people might suddenly balk at the last minute when it comes to going to a party, a dinner, or even a simple get together or date. When reality intrudes upon what we desire to have happen, it can be very much a splash of cold water in the face. Why would we want to subject ourselves to what we know is almost certainly going to be a let down or a disappointment?
For you everyday vanilla dating scene, this might now be such a terrible experience. On your average date, if things are going sour, there are a multitude of ways to get out of the date with minimal hurting of the other: the fake phone call to come home, gently telling your date that you should just cut it short, complaining of a headache, etc. In a BDSM-style first date, it's not so simple. I'm being very general here so this of course would not apply to all scenes, but a first date scenerio when it comes to BDSM usually involves one party being tied up/chained, gagged, possibly being whipped, or possibly undertaking sexual servitude. There is no easy way to ease out of this kind of first date without either hurting the other individual (emotionally speaking) or potentially damaging their self-esteem or confidence in their ability within this type of community. Imagine, if you will, being a Dom or Domme engaged in a scene and your sub not only safewords out, but flat out says that the entire play was not fun and wanted to leave. This kind of thing happening could undoubtedly cause said Dom or Domme to potentially seriously question their abilities, and thusly hesitate to engage in play again. Conversely, how would a sub in the same situation feel where the dominant suddenly brings everything to a halt because they are not enjoying the reactions of the sub or are not satisfied with their performance? Would said submissive not seriously question whether or not they have what it takes to make a decent submissive?
Yes, I understand that these examples are rather in the extreme, but they do happen. This is where the question of what do we as individuals do when the fantasy we have outlined for ourselves involving playing and scening is the complete opposite of reality when such a scene takes place. Certainly, the arguement could be made that if things do not work out with one dominant or submissive, you can always try again with another as we as individuals are varied and complex. Unfortunately, our community is not so large that many of us have such an option. With the community of BDSM individuals itself being small, and a rather large portion of people within this community already spoken for, someone new entering into this kind of life is left with rather few options or choices for a play partner, even casually.
I'm hoping that those of you reading this blog are not hoping that I can provide some kind of bulletproof answer to these dilemas. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but this is an issue that there is no truly good answer for. Everyone is different and what may work for one will certainly not work for another. However, advice is always appreciated and I think it would be very beneficial if you, dear readers, could offer some kind of input or advice regarding this problem for those that read this particular entry and are hoping to glean some kind of answer or sollution to their troubles.
For example, I might dream about attending a play party fully dressed up and meeting an unknown Dom. This Dom would go about making some kind of claim to me early in the evening, due largely to the fact that I was found attractive, appealing, and sexy and the Dom just had to have me. The night would be spent with lots of yummy bondage that would have me helplessly struggling and whimpering while he watched with a slight smile on his face. This fantasy would continue along the vein that I might find myself snuggled within his arms (I'm already rather petite and it wouldn't be a stretch for the Dom to be much bigger than I), maybe sharing a few kisses, and resulting in my submitting to give him various forms of sexual pleasure culminating in the pair of us falling asleep in bed together.
This, of course, is a fantasy. It might be a rather pleasant and erotic fantasy, but it is a fantasy. I have never actually experienced any kind of scene with a Dom or any man for that matter. Were I confronted with such a situation, I truthfully have no idea how I would react or respond. Regardless of that, I know that such a fantasy will undoubtedly never come even close to reality. Is it possible that I might meet or encounter a Dom who will want to be involved in a scene with me? Sure, it's possible. Will I want to get involved in a scene with said possible Dom? Again, it's possible. But the chances of the above fantasy playing out as I just described it are, I suspect, nearly impossible.
That's the heartbreaking fact when it comes to fantasies, reality will never truly match up with them. It would be very easy to allow this simple knowledge to completely dampen our wants and desires and dreams, and for me it nearly has on many occasions.
I can recall one particular play party that I came very close to backing out of simply because for days I had fantasized about what the party would be like and how I would look, and then I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I didn't even come close to what I pictured myself as in my fantasies. Fortunately, I got over my self-doubt (maybe loathing, depending on your perspective of it all) and did indeed go to the party, and I had a wonderful time. Did it meet with the expectations of my fantasy? Not even close. However, that didn't stop me from having a good time. In the end, isn't that what we do is all about? However, with that being said, I can certainly understand why a great many people might suddenly balk at the last minute when it comes to going to a party, a dinner, or even a simple get together or date. When reality intrudes upon what we desire to have happen, it can be very much a splash of cold water in the face. Why would we want to subject ourselves to what we know is almost certainly going to be a let down or a disappointment?
For you everyday vanilla dating scene, this might now be such a terrible experience. On your average date, if things are going sour, there are a multitude of ways to get out of the date with minimal hurting of the other: the fake phone call to come home, gently telling your date that you should just cut it short, complaining of a headache, etc. In a BDSM-style first date, it's not so simple. I'm being very general here so this of course would not apply to all scenes, but a first date scenerio when it comes to BDSM usually involves one party being tied up/chained, gagged, possibly being whipped, or possibly undertaking sexual servitude. There is no easy way to ease out of this kind of first date without either hurting the other individual (emotionally speaking) or potentially damaging their self-esteem or confidence in their ability within this type of community. Imagine, if you will, being a Dom or Domme engaged in a scene and your sub not only safewords out, but flat out says that the entire play was not fun and wanted to leave. This kind of thing happening could undoubtedly cause said Dom or Domme to potentially seriously question their abilities, and thusly hesitate to engage in play again. Conversely, how would a sub in the same situation feel where the dominant suddenly brings everything to a halt because they are not enjoying the reactions of the sub or are not satisfied with their performance? Would said submissive not seriously question whether or not they have what it takes to make a decent submissive?
Yes, I understand that these examples are rather in the extreme, but they do happen. This is where the question of what do we as individuals do when the fantasy we have outlined for ourselves involving playing and scening is the complete opposite of reality when such a scene takes place. Certainly, the arguement could be made that if things do not work out with one dominant or submissive, you can always try again with another as we as individuals are varied and complex. Unfortunately, our community is not so large that many of us have such an option. With the community of BDSM individuals itself being small, and a rather large portion of people within this community already spoken for, someone new entering into this kind of life is left with rather few options or choices for a play partner, even casually.
I'm hoping that those of you reading this blog are not hoping that I can provide some kind of bulletproof answer to these dilemas. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but this is an issue that there is no truly good answer for. Everyone is different and what may work for one will certainly not work for another. However, advice is always appreciated and I think it would be very beneficial if you, dear readers, could offer some kind of input or advice regarding this problem for those that read this particular entry and are hoping to glean some kind of answer or sollution to their troubles.
Sunday 13 November 2011
The Beginning of Thought
I've thought of creating a blog or forum for some time. I've even tried to start one or two but could never either arrange it properly or just didn't think anyone would really care to hear my ramblings. Now, however, I've come to realize that it really doesn't matter if a large amount of people find this site or no one ever does. What does matter is that I have a place where I can express my thoughts and feelings in a place where people have the option of seeing them and even commenting on them.
Since this is my first posting, and introduction of sorts, I suppose it would be best to discuss the main focus of my blog. True, I will undoubtedly be posting about anything that strikes my interest, arouses my passions, or earns my ire, but the primary reason is because of two different, yet connected, things. For as long as I can remember, all the way back to my very early teenage years, I have always had a fascination and passion for bondage. Specifically, situational or damsel-in-distress type bondage. Now that I have grown as a person and experienced more in life, I have broadened my horizons into the various aspects of bondage itself and even moved into aspects of BDSM itself. However, my first love, if you will, has always been with the damsel-in-distress bondage. Something about seeing a lovely girl bound and gagged, presumably by a kidnapper or a robber or something along those lines, and struggling to get free all while whimpering and moaning with a frightened or desperate look in her eyes just struck me to the core. Initially, I equated it with a desire to rescue said fair damsel, sort of a hero complex. Very quickly, though, I realized it wasn't a desire to rescue the girl, it was a desire to be the girl.
This ties in with my other interest/passion. Those of you who do not actually know me before reading this, I myself am not actually female. I do, however, on a growing number of occasions, clothe and outfit myself as one. Again, this ties into wanting to be one of those damsels-in-distress, but I suppose there is also some natural curiosity regarding what it would be like to be of the opposite sex. Since the only way to truly experience such a thing is through radical surgery, a process I have no intention of doing, I choose to experience this by means of clothing and prosthetics. While the process is not perfect, it works well enough for me and I am always working on improving it. While I have yet to fully experience a damsel-in-distress situation in a bondage scene that was not a product of my own hand (which admittedly is less than satisfying anyway), I have gotten a taste of what it might be like and am anxious to do more.
As I said, the purpose of this blog is to be a canvas for my thoughts, but I foresee the primary focus being what I have just finished discussing. Please feel free to offer any comments or advice or even criticism you might have regarding my discussions, I only ask that they be kept respectful and not used as an attack against myself and others.
Since this is my first posting, and introduction of sorts, I suppose it would be best to discuss the main focus of my blog. True, I will undoubtedly be posting about anything that strikes my interest, arouses my passions, or earns my ire, but the primary reason is because of two different, yet connected, things. For as long as I can remember, all the way back to my very early teenage years, I have always had a fascination and passion for bondage. Specifically, situational or damsel-in-distress type bondage. Now that I have grown as a person and experienced more in life, I have broadened my horizons into the various aspects of bondage itself and even moved into aspects of BDSM itself. However, my first love, if you will, has always been with the damsel-in-distress bondage. Something about seeing a lovely girl bound and gagged, presumably by a kidnapper or a robber or something along those lines, and struggling to get free all while whimpering and moaning with a frightened or desperate look in her eyes just struck me to the core. Initially, I equated it with a desire to rescue said fair damsel, sort of a hero complex. Very quickly, though, I realized it wasn't a desire to rescue the girl, it was a desire to be the girl.
This ties in with my other interest/passion. Those of you who do not actually know me before reading this, I myself am not actually female. I do, however, on a growing number of occasions, clothe and outfit myself as one. Again, this ties into wanting to be one of those damsels-in-distress, but I suppose there is also some natural curiosity regarding what it would be like to be of the opposite sex. Since the only way to truly experience such a thing is through radical surgery, a process I have no intention of doing, I choose to experience this by means of clothing and prosthetics. While the process is not perfect, it works well enough for me and I am always working on improving it. While I have yet to fully experience a damsel-in-distress situation in a bondage scene that was not a product of my own hand (which admittedly is less than satisfying anyway), I have gotten a taste of what it might be like and am anxious to do more.
As I said, the purpose of this blog is to be a canvas for my thoughts, but I foresee the primary focus being what I have just finished discussing. Please feel free to offer any comments or advice or even criticism you might have regarding my discussions, I only ask that they be kept respectful and not used as an attack against myself and others.
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